I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
