i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
