just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The air was thick with penises
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
