just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
