She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
