Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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