just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
