I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
