I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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