What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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