the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
