Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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