Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
