I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
