Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I believe in your delicious
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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