Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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