So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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