I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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