i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
