Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
