we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
