He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
