I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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