Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
