I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Boobs speak an international language.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
