i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
