I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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