Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
