They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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