his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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