Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
