everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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