I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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