So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
