So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
