Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
