I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
