You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
