I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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