I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
