then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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