In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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