barbara walters just said penis...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
