Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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