Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
