Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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