I love having hate sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
