I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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