i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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