So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
